I “let myself go” after having a baby & IDGAF

I completely let myself go after having a baby, and it was wonderful.

Before I became a mother, I always said I would never “let myself go” after having a baby. I didn’t want to be one of those women who “let themselves go”. Most women I know, dive so deep into motherhood that they lose themselves. They no longer care about how they look or even take care of themselves in basic ways. I know motherhood is supposed to be selfless, that we must put our children first, but I didn’t want to turn into one of those wives that changed so much after becoming a mother that I became a ghost of my former self.

“Most women I know, dive so deep into motherhood that they lose themselves.”

So, while I was pregnant, I exercised and tried to eat right. And I planned to be active after birth and get myself together as soon as possible. But like many things in life, it wasn’t that simple. Becoming a mother was one crazy ride. My body was different. I had a C-section scar. My belly button was deformed. And not all of the changes were physical, I was emotional. I was overwhelmed. Some how, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. I had let myself go. I was now one of those moms that wore pajamas as if they were suitable clothes to wear at all times. I wore my hair up in a messy bun or ponytail. I didn’t put a drop of make up on. I didn’t even have time for a manicure or pedicure.

“I went an entire year without any beauty enhancements.”

I had bags under my eyes, my hair had thinned out, and I no longer had anything resembling a glow. Typically this is the moment most women search for that magic product that’ll cover these flaws, hide them from sight. It would’ve been easy to slap on some foundation and concealer, glue on some eyelashes, and hide under hair extensions. But I didn’t want to hide. 

“But I couldn’t imagine achieving perfection everyday only to wipe it away every night and stare at myself in disappointment.”

Instead I embraced my flaws. And it was far from easy. I mean technically it was easier to not have to worry about a beauty routine in the morning. But Instead of looking for quick fixes, I tried to find solutions. “Letting myself go” was really me allowing myself to be…well, me. I went an entire year without any beauty enhancements. Now, I don’t mean that I didn’t care about how I looked, but I took care of myself in a completely different way. It was less superficial. 

“It’s hard to go a day without seeing a perfectly contoured face, with every single flaw concealed.”

At first, it made all my flaws so much more obvious. I started to notice things I never did before. I found new things I hated about myself, on top of all the new changes that had resulted from pregnancy. I felt ugly. It’s hard to go a day without seeing a perfectly contoured face, with every single flaw concealed. Social media has exploded with make up tutorials and make up transformations that are out of this world. A woman without make up, it’s like seeing a deer in headlights. But I couldn’t imagine achieving perfection everyday only to wipe it away every night and stare at myself in disappointment. I knew that once I started covering all of my mom-battle-scars I’d want to cover more and more. So instead of slapping on make up, I tried serums, moisturizers, and masks. I drank a ton of water. If I could’ve slept, I’m sure that would’ve done magic but I couldn’t. And, I’m not going to say I transformed into a swan from an ugly duckling. But slowly, and I do mean slowly, I found a way to look decent. 

I didn’t look perfect. But letting myself go gave me more confidence than make-up ever could. Honestly, I look nothing like most women, my lips are thin, my hair is thin, I barely have any eyelashes, my skin is uneven most times, and you know what? IDGAF. I wake up like this, I go to bed like this, and I’m never caught off guard. This is how I am all the time. 

Now that I stopped covering my flaws, I don’t focus on them anymore. I tend to find new things that I like about myself. It sounds cheesy, I know. But, once upon a time I hated my thin eyelashes and started working on that. Then I hated that my eyes were too small and started working on that. Then I wanted bigger lips. You get where I’m going? We just learn how to hide, manipulate, and focus on our flaws. We fix one “problem” and find another. 

So, yeah. I let myself go. I wear gym clothes even though I haven’t stepped foot in one. My hair is tied up. My nails are chipped. But I have more confidence than I ever did before. Confidence is the key to the whole thing. I may be judged every day, but I really don’t care. I’ve gained something make-up could never give me. And as far as my marriage? The other day, my husband looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said “you look like a snack”. A what? That was his romantic way of saying I looked attractive a.k.a I looked good enough to eat (ha!). What ensued later isn’t suitable for my blog, but my marriage hasn’t taken a hit. 

With all that said, I’m not trying to shame those who were makeup or do what they need to do to feel better. However, letting myself go and just fully dive into it, made me more confident. 

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