Relationships: Small Things You Miss When You Become Parents.

As cliche as it sounds, a lot changes in your relationship with your partner when you become parents. Becoming a parent has changed my relationship and I know so many others can relate. Adding a child or children to your life is an amazing experience. But, it’s also so hard. Your life changes in some of the ways you expect and in some of the ways you couldn’t have even imagined. So, naturally, your relationship changes too. Here’s a list of the small things I didn’t think we’d miss, but we do, since becoming parents.

  1. Spontaneous sex:
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Sex is complicated after you have kids. It’s a big adjustment to say the least. No one mentions how difficult it can be to have sex when you feel like it or spontaneously when you become a parent. Most couples have to plan sex in advance or are forced to have sex during certain times. Even if your sex drive takes a hit, you’ll likely miss having sex on your terms.

2: Date nights without guilt or planning:

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Being spontaneous in the bedroom isn’t the only thing that gets shoved to the side, dates are too. Random road trips to try a new restaurant, a double date with friends, or deciding to go to the movies last minute, all were pre-parenthood regulars for us. Now, there’s a lot of guilt, worry, and laziness to be honest when it comes to date nights. The latter because it requires so much planning! Sometimes it feels like it’s not even worth it and a date night ends up being a night on the couch.

3: Pillow-talk:

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I’m NOT a morning person at all. I just need to lay there for a while and gather myself. Eventually I come around. I remember having a few moments to myself in the morning and laying in bed with my husband for a while before we started our day. But now? Now our alarm clock jumps on us at whatever time feels right and by alarm clock, I mean our daughter. There’s no time to get a word in. Seconds after she wakes up, it’s go, go, go. It feels like a circus.

4: Adult conversations:

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So, there’s no time to talk. That even requires some planning. We couldn’t wait for our daughter to start talking and now? Now we’re not sure if she even knows how to stop. In the event that we even get a moment to talk, we end up talking about being tired. Did I mention sleep? Yeah, we miss that too. Not only that, I feel like I’m trying to squeeze dozens of conversions into a small time frame when we do get time to talk.

5: Being bored together:

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Parents, do you remember being bored? I actually miss having a moment where we had nothing to do–no snacks to fetch, nothing to clean up, no one to entertain, no laundry. Although we’re so grateful to be parents, there’s always something to do. Being bored felt like a punishment years ago. Now when I look back, those silent moments when things were still, are moments I crave.

We’re so grateful to be parents, however it’s natural to miss some of the things you did or were able to do before parenthood. it’s also natural to feel like your relationship takes a bit more work. I made this list to normalize these feelings. As time goes on, some of the things mentioned above gets easier, and missing these moments in no way makes you a bad parent! So, no shaming here!

What are some of the small things you and your partner miss since becoming parents?

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