I Said I Didn’t Want To Have More Kids, But I Changed My Mind

I was a proud member of “Team One and Done” for many, many years. If you’re not familiar, it’s a term used when parents have made the decision to only have one child. Over the years, I’ve connected with a lot of other parents who felt the same way and we shared our reasons and experiences that lead to the decision to have just one child.

For me, I struggled to conceive, suffered a miscarriage, had multiple complications during my pregnancy, lacked support, suffered from severe postpartum depression, and put my career on hold for over six years. I felt like having another child just wasn’t realistic or right for me or my family. And so, my husband and I agreed not to have any more kids.

Of course, this decision was met with criticism. Some people thought it was a selfish choice. Others thought we just needed some convincing and they’d try their best to change our minds.

Admittedly, my husband was open to having more children but supported my choice and also agreed our lifestyle and lack of a village made it difficult for us to expand our family.

So, for many years, I was sure we wouldn’t change our minds. Until we did.

It wasn’t something that happened quickly or after just one conversation or event in our lives. It happened slowly — over the course of seven years to be exact.

As things started to return to “normal” again — by normal I mean we were able to sleep a bit more, return to some activities and hobbies we had abandoned, and explored new careers and opportunities — the idea of having another kid wasn’t as terrifying as it once had been.

I found myself being asked for advice by first-time parents, especially since I openly shared my struggles, lessons I’ve learned, and tips I’ve gathered as a writer on multiple platforms from social media to online publications. And, in doing so, I realized simultaneously how hard my journey had been but also how much wisdom I had gained.

I still wasn’t sure at first if I wanted to have more kids, but I also wasn’t as sure anymore that I didn’t. And, as I got older, I knew I had to make the decision sooner rather than later.

To make a long story short, after many conversations with my husband, we decided we’d like to try for a second baby. We discussed things we’d do differently. We talked about how our lives had changed in some ways that made it easier to have another child. And, after some highs and lows and almost a year of trying, I was pregnant.

I found myself feeling a bit nervous to share the news with family and friends since I’d been so adamant about not having any more children. When I finally did announce that I was pregnant with baby number two, every one was shocked.

People asked if getting pregnant was intentional. They wanted to know if it was planned. Because surely I must’ve gotten pregnant by mistake. Some people were disappointed because we had bonded over the decision to just have one child. I also had an uncomfortable confrontation with a family member who wasn’t supportive. It was even a bit touchy with people in my life that were struggling to conceive because here I came out of nowhere making a big announcement and sharing news they were hoping to share one day, yet I had once said I never would.

I wasn’t upset that people were curious, in fact, I expected it. It was a bit weird that people were unsupportive when I said I didn’t want to have any more children yet freaked out when I decided the opposite.

Plus, I didn’t really know how to explain why I changed my mind. I’m not quite sure how I changed my mind, only that it seemed to happen naturally after years and years.

To be honest, I don’t think I necessarily owe anyone an explanation but I wanted to share some my journey because changing your mind is a natural part of life.

Either way you can’t win — having kids, not having kids, how many kids to have — people always have something to say. But ultimately you have to make the choice that’s right for you. Which, I feel like I have. I believe I gave myself time and space to naturally come to this point in my life. I made the decision because I’m in a different place in my life and I genuinely felt open to it.

To be clear, it wasn’t pressure or expectations that brought me to this decision and I fully support people who don’t want to have kids or don’t want to have anymore kids. So, although people in my life were confused and had questions and opinions when I announced my pregnancy after years of saying I just wanted one child, all I can really say is it is what it is. And, I’m sure I’ll change my mind about a lot of other things too.