How your relationship really changes after having a baby.
I’m guilty of thinking my relationship would not change once we had a baby. Or rather, I thought it could only improve. Having a baby will affect even the most secure relationships. You can never prepare fully for these changes and no matter how much you think your relationship may be immune to these changes, you’re wrong. Here are 10 ways your relationship will change after you have a baby.
1. You’ll fight over the dumbest things.
Really, really dumb things, like who made noise and woke the baby or who forgot to buy diapers. Some times small things blow up easily especially since you’re both under a lot of stress and sleep deprived.
2. Your problems will become amplified.
Whatever issues you had before the baby will seem a lot bigger now. Even the dumb stuff like leaving the toilet seat up or that pile of clothes that just gets larger by the minute.
3. Your spouse’s “bad” habits will annoy you even more.
Does he leave socks all over the place? Or does she squeeze the toothpaste from the top? Whatever annoyed you before kids will annoy you way more now.
4. Your sex life will take a hit.
I don’t care how much you’ve said it wouldn’t happen to you, it will! Some of it will be hormonal. Some of it will be due to what occurred during pregnancy or birth. It’ll seem like everything is sabotaging your sex. Breastfeeding can cause severe dryness, there may be issues with pain and stitches, you may be too tired, or you may have a baby genius on your hands that wakes every time you try to sneak a session in.
5. You’ll want to kill each other.
It’ll feel like a weird science experiment as if you’re both being tested to see how long you can last without sleep. I don’t care how perfect you two are, you’ll go at each other’s throats at one point or another. You’ll think and wish terrible things, things you don’t mean, but can’t help to say because you’re hungry, tired, and completely unlike yourself.
6. You’ll bond over weird shit.
It’s not all terrible. Every so often you’ll have a good day. You’ll bond over things that used to make you cringe. It’ll become normal to swap stories about your baby’s poop. You’ll have inside jokes about the things your child does. You’ll high five when they miraculously sleep through the night, even if it’s just that one time.
7. You’ll struggle to find your balance.
One minute you’ll be in full mom-mode and your husband wants to talk about anything but the baby. Then the roles will be reversed. It’ll be hard to be on the same page at the same time. You’ll want to spend time alone but then struggle with not being with your baby. You’ll probably fight because when you’re “on” he’s “off”. It’ll take time for you two to find your groove again.
8. You’ll rethink romance.
Maybe before you had a baby receiving flowers was on the top of your romance list but now you’ll find smaller gestures far more romantic and rewarding. You’ll prefer a chance to nap or ordering take out instead of having to cook. If you want real romance maybe the laundry will be done, the house will be cleaned, and the baby is off to sleep and all of your shows are waiting in your DVR.
9. Your life will flash before your eyes.
Okay so having a baby is a blessing but gosh is it tough! That newborn phase, or rather that whole first year will test you like nothing else. All of a sudden at 2AM when your baby wakes for the fifth time, you’ll wonder what the hell you complained about before. You’ll wonder why you both wasted so much time, argued about dumb things, and didn’t get more done before you had a baby. You’ll vow to take over the world once things are “normal” again because you now know how quickly time has flown by. But first…a nap!
10. You’ll see your relationship for what it really is.
Just as your problems may be amplified during this “transition” so will your best qualities. You will see how you and your spouse really compromise and problem solve (other than that time you planned a wedding and fought over the guest list or the cost of flowers). You’ll see how they deal with all the hardships of parenthood, but still find a way to be a great parent. And when the dust settles, you’ll see that you have someone who was with you through thick and thin, you’ll have a deeper understanding of each other.
How has your relationship changed?
Hey there! First, I would like to say I love the name of your blog!! Secondly, this article is amazing! I’m not married (we live together but have yet to tie the knot) and have no babies yet but your post made me see ahead of time and put me and my partner in each of the situations! I could see how hard it will be but I still want to be a mother after reading it. And I still want to have my partner’s baby because I think he will be amazing, and that we will hate each other so much but have each other’s backs at the same time. Really lovely reading!! xo
Cheila – http://pinkfordays.wordpress.com
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Thank you. You can never be fully prepared but I think going in to marriage and motherhood at least knowing it’s not easy and not perfect, can really help. Being a mom will be the hardest thing you’ll ever do… but if you have a great partner, it makes all the difference. Good luck and thanks for the feedback 🙂
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All of this is on point. I never had my sex drive plummet with my first. This go around it hit the rocks HARD. Add in a baby that is 7 months old and wakes 6 to 8 times a night still and there isn’t much energy. Love this post!
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